Where Have I Been?

Hello again!! It has been quite some time since I have been on this platform. There is no excuse other than life itself and let me tell you, it has been daunting….

Today, I would like to share my journey on where I have been and how exactly I have been preparing for yet again, another chapter. Where have I been exactly? PREGNANT!! That’s where!! My family has transitioned from being a party of 6 to a party of 7. It all began in December. I have been experiencing symptoms of being peri-menopausal for a couple years. So, having months with no menstrual cycle or a month where I would have one/two day periods was not exactly unusual. During the holidays, I was still having my incredibly irregular one/two day periods and was at Target with my 3rd child to purchase feminine hygiene products, no less. It must have either been divine intervention (and possibly a dare!) to purchase a pregnancy test. I went home, took the test, and in no less time to pull up my pants, I see the DOUBLE LINES! THAT CANNOT BE! So, I immediately take the 2nd test only to get the same results without the chance to blink or breathe. I sit there….completely still. And, within less than 20 minutes my husband texts me to check in and see how my day is going. Although quite abrupt of me, all I could muster up to do was send him the photo of the pregnancy test. 30 minutes later, my husband is at the door, as I am sure praying that it is an early anniversary joke of some sort. Only, he saw my face and it was not a joke.

We anxiously await our first doctor’s appointment, only for him to confirm that we are indeed expecting a child and that I have been pregnant for 3 months. 3 MONTHS!! What the @#$%??!!
It was all a daze now that I look back. But, what contributed to the journey that my husband and I had to navigate through was the apprehension we both had in disclosing our news, knowing that we would not necessarily be greeted with congratulatory praises. “5 children! Are we crazy?” I vividly remember a client looking at me with a look of suspicion to which I admitted that I was indeed pregnant. Her response, “Wow! So, after this child are you going to fix this problem?” Ironic, considering she was in my office to see me for parenting advice. Another situation was at a school meeting in which our school president was recognizing and honoring a family who had 8 children go through our school. I was so amazed that this mother had 8 children and then, the woman (and mother) sitting next to me said, “That is so unnecessary!” Hmmm, unnecessary to have children? Ok. There was not a week that went by, or so I felt, when my husband was asked when he was going to get “clipped/fixed.” That specifically would make me frustrated.

Nonetheless, our journey to have another child was, yes, unexpected. But, the moment we had our first sonogram, I could not help but feel pure joy and elation. Unfortunately, my pregnancy was met with such disapproval by our society, that it saddened me. Although we have thick enough skin, it saddened me that our society no longer sees the beauty and preciousness of children. Rather, they see it as a burden. A burden to one’s wallet and one’s lifestyle. And so, the mental and emotional preparation began to make our family what it is and raise children to the best of our ability, despite what others think and believe.

My gorgeous daughter was born in August and all I can think of is the need I have for her in my life. She has reminded me in the busyness of mine and my older children’s schedule to stop, slow down, and be present. She has redirected me to focus on myself and my vocation as a mother, not my comparisons of what I am not as my insecurities rise in a self—absorbed world. She has brought more love and affection to my family and unfortunately for her, she has gained four extra parents without ever asking for it! She has allowed me to focus on good in the midst of political division, racial tensions, murders, fires, bombings and threats of war, and men in power who lack a moral compass. She has allowed me to remember what life is about – love.

Baby #5 was born August 2017 and has been the most wonderful gift!

 

Charise

Charise Casiano

About Charise Casiano

Charise obtained her BA degree at California State University, Stanislaus and immediately pursued her MS degree at Mount Saint Mary’s College. During her college years, Charise left for one year to do missionary work. She traveled the United States troubleshooting with teenagers.