School has Begun!

I’m back from taking a short break to regroup myself from the inevitable first two weeks of school. My two older kids started school last week, only to show that 6am wake-up calls is not for everyone. My third child doesn’t begin pre-K until after Labor Day and schedules are already in full swing. School, choir, tennis lessons, basketball, dance…..oh, and let’s not forget that I also work! All is well however, as the transition back to routine is fairly easy for my children. What is not easy is dealing with myself.

Every year when we walk our kids into their classroom for the first day of school, it is typically overwhelming. And us, parents, need to make sure our anxieties are contained because our children are going through their own apprehensions and fears as they meet their new teachers and scope out the room to see if their friends are in the same class. But, every year that I see my children walk into their classrooms, hug their friends, meet and smile with their teachers, and acclimate to their new surroundings makes me feel happy and sad. Happy to watch my children grow and flourish in an environment which my husband and I are hopefully, choosing wisely, but sad because they are growing. My son is up to my shoulders. He gives us a hug and is ready for us to leave as he finds his best friend and they are already working  together on the worksheets laying on their desks. He is growing. My daughter walks into her third grade classroom, holding my hand; nervously meets her new (MALE) teacher; looks to see who is assigned to sit near her; and then, puts all her stuff away, rummages through the gift the teacher gave her, and begins her work all while giving me a kiss and reassuring me she is ok. Long gone are the days where I would catch baby sighs with my nose. Long gone are the days where I could sniff the baby smell oozing from their heads. Long gone are the days where I could squeeze and bite their chubby little thighs. Long gone are the days where their feet fit in the palm of my hand.

Every first day of school, every birthday, every holiday, every recital or concert, every major event only validates that time is going by too fast and I can’t seem to catch my breath. My children are the reason I wake up in the morning. They are the reason I breathe. They are the reason why I no longer recognize myself in the mirror. They are the reason why I work hard and pray hard. They are the reason I still dream. My emotions when I watch my kids make me wonder who I am sometimes because I become so emotional. I want them to stay little and yet, my son is already smelling like a boy in need of a good deodorant and my oldest daughter is already asking when I think she will need a bra. It’s a little overwhelming sometimes to juggle all that the kids throw my way and still remain somewhat sane. I wouldn’t change the fact that I have four children. But, when there are those moments when I look in the mirror and I wonder if Charise is still there….well… let’s just say I will share those thoughts with you next week…

In the meantime, stop, catch your breathe, watch your children (if your have them) or your loved ones, and be still..


Charise Casiano

About Charise Casiano

Charise obtained her BA degree at California State University, Stanislaus and immediately pursued her MS degree at Mount Saint Mary’s College. During her college years, Charise left for one year to do missionary work. She traveled the United States troubleshooting with teenagers.